(TMZ got me this awesome T-shirt!)

John Mayer mistook a coterie of paparazzi for a 60-minute sit-down with Barbara Walters.

In the confidence of the paps, here’s his side of things:

1. He ended the relationship. Not Jennifer Aniston.
2. Jennifer is the smartest, most sophisticated person he’s ever met. He thinks. That could also read as “old.”
3. He doesn’t like to waste your time. Sorry, Jen, about wasting a little bit already.
4. He puts people in two boxes: cheaters and break-uppers. He’s the second. Maybe.
5. He ended the relationship. Not Jennifer Aniston.
6. He doesn’t do “the taper.” That would enable cheating. And, hello, he’s not like that.
7. He doesn’t want to be followed around New York City like an animal. (He prefers L.A.)
8. He ended the relationship. Not Jennifer Aniston. Something about chemistry being different.

(I use this blankie to shield myself from the paps!)

Now, Jennifer’s side:

Well, because Jen is such a classy broad, she didn’t engage in a conversation with paparazzi. She’s more of a “close source of Jen’s revealed” kind of operation …

1. Jen will never kiss and tell.
2. John’s acting like a spoiled child. It was Jen that broke things up with John!!
3. Jen is behaving like a lady. (”But did you hear me?! I broke up with him!! Tell everyone that.”)
4. And by the by, John (sleazy, sleazy press whore) had a relationship with the paparazzi and bloggers. He tips them off.
5. He loves the attention. Just not in New York.
6. Jen was tired of paying for everything. (”Cobwebs come flying out of his wallet when he opens it!”)
7. Instead of taking advantage of his waiting car service, John chose to walk and then talk to the paparazzi. This is the kind of person we’re dealing with.
8. Jen’s dating again.

See? What I said before. These two sorta deserved each other.

Sources: John Mayer: It’s Time That Somebody Stands Up” for Jennifer Aniston (Us Weekly)
Jen takes high road as John tells all (Scoop)

Photos: Hugh Dillon/WENN; Anthony Dixon/WENN

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