(Fetus demands: queso dip and a Victoria's Secret Angels bra.)

“Being pregnant and doing comedy is like wearing a giant sombrero in every scene.”

– Amy Poehler, the very weepy mother-to-be, who’s wearing Zac Posen to the Emmy Awards, and is using Gisele Bundchen’s stylist. She’s asked that the stylist make her look like Gisele from the neck up.

Source: ‘SNL’s’ Amy Poehler won’t wear a pantsuit to the Emmys (Dish Rag)

Photo: Flashpoint/WENN

I respected Eva Longoria’s belly when she was wearing the baggy clothes (like this dress, seemingly inspired by Project Runway’s most recently Auf’d Mormon).

But then she slips her bloated little bod in a some tight sequins — huh, also a Project Runway spinoff, this one inspired by the ever-pregnant redhead Laura — and now we’ve got the right to question her pooch.

Pregnant? Avec baby Tony Parker?

If Eva is just “waiting” to tell us — like she’s Jennifer Garner or something — that’s a little rude. Because she lives to tell us everything. I mean, she’s the kind of person that invites Ryan Seacrest to her wedding, K?

Photos: Anthony Dixon/WENN; PNP/WENN

(Sixty-dollar burp cloths should have you feeling better about yourself.)

Ya think Jamie Lynn Spears has been sitting in her Mississippi abode, watching CNN (I know; it’s already a stretch), whilst cradling little Maddie, thinking:

Bristol Palin, I feel you. I wasn’t supposed to get preggers either. But you know what? Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, girl. (Then, Jamie Lynn snaps her fingers in a sweeping “S” motion.)

Hoping to lift the Republican Vice-President’s pregnant and unmarried 17-year-old daughter’s spirits, Jamie Lynn is sending her a gift.

A busybody, close to the Beverly Hills baby store Petit Tresor, has snipped to Celeb TV, that a gift from Plain Mary was sent to Bristol on behalf of Jamie Lynn.

“It was ordered by phone, and they asked what could be done for under $100. They spent $60 on pink burp cloths,” sassed said busybody.

Why “they”? Because Mama Lynne Spears was involved, too. In fact, she did the calling. In another fact, Lynne requested that the gift come from her daughter.

Wait a democratic minute — did Joe Biden come up with this??

Source: Jamie Lynn Sends Gift to Bristol Palin (Celeb TV)

Photo: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

(Give us le money!)

Unlike Namibia where Shiloh was born, the benefits of birthing Knox and Vivienne in France proved more lucrative.

In France, no matter the income, all families are eligible for parenting subsidies. So in Brad and Angelina’s case, they can cash in on: a “nanny payment” of $975.84 and an “orphan allowance” of $508.97 for the adopted Maddox, Pax and Zahara.

Not that Brangelina will do so. But it’s certainly available — if not just to fuel Roseanne’s blog.

Source: Brad and Angelina: Eligible for Child Support? (People)

Photo: WENN

(Believe me, O.C., we considered "Laguna.")

For every yard that Malibu’s Zuma Beach is long, it is also the length of Gwen Stefani’s pregnancy with her second child. With that, let us give a hang-ten welcome to baby Zuma Rossdale.

It’s a boy, too. Full name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Despite his second middle name, I predict he’ll be a huge fan of Rasta.

Source: Gwen and Gavin Birth Baby Zuma (E! Online)

Photo: WENN

(Come to Daddy!)

Matt Damon’s got a new girl in his life. She just arrived today — courtesy of the Missus — and her name is Gia Zavala.

Let’s see, there’s day-old Gia. Isabella, 2. Alexia, 10 (his wife’s child from a previous relationship). And of course, Lucy, aka Mrs. Damon. That’s a lot of estrogen!

Matt recently told USA Today, in jest, “I’m so outnumbered, it’s crazy.”

His BFF George Clooney calls Matty D. a “phenomenal” father. That’s sweet, but what does George know about that?

Welcome, Gia! Wooo!

Source: Matt Damon and His Wife Welcome a Girl (People)

Photo: SPILLER/WENN

Pink and Jennifer Garner have this problem. They walk in this way with their butts sticking way out one way and their bellies way out another. You know Eva Longoria needs to oomph her badonkadonk as much as possible!

Married with a flowy top (also a Garner staple!) and a “glowing” face, however, Eva is sparking preggers rumors. “Boy, is Eva packing on the pounds! Is she eating for two?!”

If she is, we’ll find out soon. Eva loves to tell us things. Or at least, Ryan Seacrest.

The time lapse of these two pictures, by the way, is just three days. The first was last night, leaving her Hollywood restaurant Beso for the free food, and Eva in the red dress was one of 10 wardrobe changes she made while hosting Sunday’s ALMA Awards.

Photos: WENN; Nikki Nelson/WENN

(But Mommy, I don't want to get a bikini wax...)

Celebrity moms, don’t think with your vajayjay, please.

Just read the most startling article on MSNBC (thanks for the warning, Jezebel) about girls getting bikini waxes at age 8. Like before puberty. Oh wait, this one girl was just 6.

One salon advocate, offering discounts to children with “virgin” hair, says: “Virgin hair can be waxed so successfully that growth can be permanently stopped in just 2 to 6 sessions. Save your child a lifetime of waxing … and put the money in the bank for her college education instead!”

God, BFF hopes Katie, Jennifer, Angelina, Nicole and Jessica keep that hot wax away from the girly spaces of Suri, Violet, Shiloh, Sunday and Honor, respectively, for a looong time.

Source: Too young? Preteen girls get leg, bikini waxes (MSNBC)

Photo: Anthony Dixon/WENN