(No, no, of COURSE she's not the crusty little lady from 'The Incredibles.')

It’s kind of sweet that the dress doesn’t move, like, at all. But it could afford to lose some length — and lose the Mrs. Hogenson (à la The Incredibles) doppelganger thang.

[A the 2008 New York Film Critic's Circle Awards]
Photo: Flashpoint/WENN

(Hippie in the City.)

Life in The City is just one big Renaissance Festival for Whitney. It’s just like that movie Ever After, where Drew Barrymore’s the hippie Cinderella falling for the prince you’ve never heard of. Yep, no more more Blackberrys or Louboutins for Whit. Just fairy-tale tiaras made outta tissue paper (TOTALLY the second-best booth at the fair. Next to turkey legs).

The evening gown is bright and sweet with a modern fit and pockets that look purposeful and not annoying. Just wish it wasn’t SO tight up top that it gives Eva Mendes (of all attractive women!) back cleavage. She doesn’t deserve that.

[At the L.A. premiere of The Spirit]
Photo: Jody Cortes/WENN

(Bare legs don't have to be a bear to deal with.)

You look great, Rachel. Really. If I had a mermaid tail, I’d want it to look just like this. Just one piece of advice: Ask for a pair of tights for Christmas.

[At the L.A. premiere of The Wrestler]
Photo: WENN/Fayes Vision

Look closely, and you’ll spot a tiny bit of Rihanna’s bare midriff. Which concludes that this picnic-table pattern are two separates. It’s … fine. Just not great.

I give it three sad-face middle fingers.

[At Z100's annual Jingle Ball concert at NYC's Madison Square Garden]
Photo: WENN

Talkin’ just cleavage? DUH. Jennifer Lopez wins. Not sure that Jenny From the Block’s ever looked so … expensive (and with class). Roberto Cavalli is to thank for the illusion of perky teenager boobies.

As for Cate Blanchett, what cleavage? It’s all covered up in some kind of full-sized girdle. Look — it’s peeking out from the BOTTOM of her music-box dress!! Eek!

[At the L.A. premiere of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]
Photos: Apega/WENN; Dimitri Halkidis/WENN

Well, lookit! Paris is ACTUALLY hanging out with her new BFF Brittany. (Well … for now.)

She made the right choice, of course. Had Paris chosen the other one, the girl would’ve been grinning like the Joker and wearing what ScarJo is wearing below.

Besides her hair (which she has in common with Paris), Brittany’s got it together. She’s got a teethless Zoolander purse, plus, a heckuva side cleavage thing happening. In fact, she looks quite posh, making Paris look like a polar bear pregnant with a disco ball.

And lookit again! Paris even LEFT the club with her!!

[At L.A.'s Bar Deluxe]
Photo: WENN

(Buy my ham!)

This man sells Hamm’s Ham — the kind that rolls out like toilet paper. Don Draper, the well-coifed, debonair gent/scoundrel that he is, wouldn’t let grease build up in his tresses AND let bundles of follicles just flop around all over his forehead like that. No. Don Draper wouldn’t do that.

[At the 23rd Annual American Cinematheque honoring Samuel L. Jackson in Beverly Hills, Calif.]
Photo: Jody Cortes/WENN