(Oh, Brad! That was a long time ago!)

Toronto, graciously hosting the Toronto International Film Festival, not only provides a safe environment for uninterrupted kissy-wissy time for the likes of Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, but it provides published advice — from noted sexologists — for its guests. Guests that happen to be exes. Exes like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

Jen and Brad could very well run into each other at this year’s festival. And Angelina-less (she’s got twins; you know this).

So! The advice these “noted” sexologists (one is the author of <i>Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy</i>, really; and another is the author of Sex With Your Ex: And 69 Other Tempting Things You Should Never Do Again (Plus a Few That You Should)) dispense are as follows:

“It behooves [Brad] to initiate an interaction with [Jen].”

“The ball’s more in his court to be gracious to her and to be a gentleman.”

“Jen should avoid being too animated. Most of us try to be extra-clever and extra-charming. It’s so transparent. Everyone can tell you’re overcompensating.”

Oh, and a “killer dress” and a “hot date” wouldn’t hurt Jen’s call to action either. But she risks another “desperate” branding by the beloved Tim Gunn.

Source: A tiff at TIFF? (The Globe and Mail)

Photo: David Edwards/DailyCeleb.com

(My pout tops your.)

According to Blistex, Keira Knightley has the World’s Most Perfect Pout.

While Blistex is no authority on lips (what is that cream-streaked consistency?!), Keira’s lips are, indeed, pursed in this way that is awfully lustful.

It’s what Jessica Simpson pays beaucoup bucks for (with tragic results). Lindsay Lohan is guilty of it, too. It’s, I guess, the displeasure of thin lips — ever kiss ‘em? — and thin-lipped folks know it. Why Jennifer Aniston is noted at sixth place is bewildering.

Angelina arrives in third, but pillows like hers don’t need some Rite-Aid-level lip cream to label them as “perfect.”

Now, how does Keira rate in the bug-repellent world? Low because a dress like this actually attracts bugs in its black netting? Or high because it’s killing said bugs?

(Better-lookin' than the grill of your truck.)

Source: Keira Knightley named as having the World’s Most Perfect Pout (The Mirror)

Photo: Daniel Deme/WENN

(Maybe you've heard, I've got these twins? Now go away.)

Y’all, Angelina’s tired. Thoughts?

When she’s not world-saving, breast-feeding, Eastwood-film-promoting, role-in-Atlas-Shrugged-pondering, next-adoption-researching, Angelina Jolie is …

Collapsing in bathtubs? Twice?

“She’s in tears up to three times a day and so tired that Brad’s found her collapsed asleep in the bath twice,” says a Now source via Entertainment Wise.

Certainly, it’s not love thorns between herself and Brad. It’s because she’s sleep-deprived. She’s emotional. She’s got a farm of children.

“She’s been working around the clock, breast-feeding the babies and trying to get them to sleep. But as soon as one of them drops off, the other wakes up for another feed.

“She’s also not eating very much right now and blames that on being busy. The doctor says that she needs more calories to gain strength and ensure that her breast milk is healthy.”

Wait, this is about her skinny-little arms, huh? (With no more fat to tat. Damn.) This is a wannabe-clever “Eat a sandwich!” ploy.

Regardless, BFF doesn’t want Angelina falling in the tub for a third time. She’s said to be receiving medical treatment for stress.

Source: Angelina Jolie In New Health Scare After Twins’ Birth? (Entertainment Wise)

Photo: WENN

(Angelina said, "No more strays.")

Brad saves kid from near-drowning (Venice canals and its docks, sheesh).

Kid, however, doesn’t look “in-need” enough and/or child’s hair is unable to manipulate with dye, relaxer or a mohawk and is left in Italy, unadopted and without the ever-valuable “Jolie-Pitt” last-name moniker.

Source: Pitt Stops Kid from Imminent Danger! (TMZ)

Photo: Zibi/WENN

(It's more original than a diamond, you guys.)

Further proof that Jennifer Aniston is in on all of it. She holds the press in her little palm, and more specifically, on her left ring finger.

If she didn’t want to be in news, didn’t want to be talked about, didn’t want to be on tabloid covers with headlines like “Angelina’s Furious About Brad Seeing Jen,” “Jen & John: Worst Split!” (next to “Brad & Angelina: Hottest Couple!” and “Better After Breakup: Done With John and Finally Over Her Obsession With Brad … Jen Gets Revenge” … well, you’d think she’d know better than to stir the press-whorin’ pot and …

WEAR A RING ON HER WEDDING FINGER.

Fake dates. Having friends respond to John Mayer’s spiel Smiling too much at the paparazzi. Meeting with Woody Allen at Madeo in a business-mode striped blazer (and left finger ring), as if she’s considering roles outside of the Rumor Has It box (Woody material barely gets you out of it).

Go on and let us catch you buying baby clothes or something.

Photo: WENN

(Let me do the talking, Brad.)

Usually, George Clooney flirts his way through an interview. Now finally, he gets sassy.

Yesterday in Venice, George and his BFF Brad Pitt were supposed to be fielding questions about their upcoming film collaboration, Burn After Reading (Brad has this unfortunate haircut, yes). Instead, Brad was fielding questions — which George answered — about Angelina, the birth of twins and whether or not his favorite 47-year-old cad would ever — you guessed it — settle down.

The debut of George’s sass:

“I am so surprised to hear that question. That is honestly the first time I have been asked that. I am getting married and having a child today.”

Such sarcasm, ooh. In past feeding pools of fawning female reporters, a transcribed interview with George Clooney would often result in endless giggles — and no actual interview. This time, crickets. And Brad’s snickering.

Brad offered to share his clan of spawn with George, and also quipped: “I’ll have two more by next year.”

Other than that soundbite, George did most of the sassing:

“The twins are fine,” George would say when Brad was asked how the infants were doing. “Don’t answer that, Brad,” George would say to Brad, cautioning him not to answer the Q: Would you rather win an Oscar or fall in love with an Italian woman in Venice? George could’ve been sassier even — BFF recommends the eyeroll.

Source: Brad Pitt And George Clooney Do Venice (AP)

Photo: WENN

(Give us le money!)

Unlike Namibia where Shiloh was born, the benefits of birthing Knox and Vivienne in France proved more lucrative.

In France, no matter the income, all families are eligible for parenting subsidies. So in Brad and Angelina’s case, they can cash in on: a “nanny payment” of $975.84 and an “orphan allowance” of $508.97 for the adopted Maddox, Pax and Zahara.

Not that Brangelina will do so. But it’s certainly available — if not just to fuel Roseanne’s blog.

Source: Brad and Angelina: Eligible for Child Support? (People)

Photo: WENN

("Don't care about me. I'm serious.")

An “undateable” Jennifer Aniston is nobody’s problem but Jennifer Aniston’s.

A Brit reporter purports that “we are killing Jen’s relationships,” and “we have her love-life’s blood on our hands because, even though she’s a successful, beautiful, rich celeb who probably has a pretty fun life, we don’t believe she can be content unless she finds love” and “We’re desperate for her to get married, have a baby and be blissfully happy ever after. Mainly because otherwise Angelina wins, and the thought of that is simply unbearable.” This is a woman that earnestly claims she’s “100% Team Aniston.” Who says that in, uh, 2008?

Like Jezebel, I don’t carry this burden. My office wall isn’t scrawled with markings each time Angelina wins (Aniston, still 0). I don’t “cheer” for Jennifer when I see her hugging a “mystery man” then get “disappointed” when her “hot date” turns out to be Paul Rudd. No. That — and all the burdgeoning sorrow and regret that Brit writer is carrying — is what is ruining Jennifer Aniston.

If anything, I’m just offended by her rom-coms. Which is something I solve quietly by not seeing them.

Sources: Why Are People Obsessed With Jennifer Aniston’s Love Life? (Jezebel)
We’ve made Jennifer’s love life the Pitts (The Mirror)

Photo: Dave Edwards/DailyCeleb.com