(It would fit ONE thigh ... maybe.)

The life of a ballerina is hard-knock. Those tutu-clad girls ingest all kinds of harsh realities such as … bodily critique. But because Beyonce is a big married girl, BFF will tell her this:

No tutu for you. At the request of your thighs. Donate it to Matilda Ledger — that’s a ballerina who could handle a little black tutu edge in her life, and more importantly, it’s both age and size-appropriate.

[Outside MTV's TRL Studios in New York City]

Photo: Patricia Schlein/WENN

Jennifer Garner finally addresses her “breakfast pouch” as a real-life growing fetus. She’s “excited,” obviously, can’t you tell?

Ricky Martin one-upped Clay Aiken — he’s not the father of one son, but two! Twins! His surrogate mother gave birth a few weeks ago, and “He’s elated to begin this new chapter in his life.”

Matilda Ledger is no fan of paps. She delivers a classy F-You middle finger, brava.

Megan Fox’s boobs: At the request of director Michael Bay, the Transformers 2 starlet turns her B into a C.

The cougar of cougars Sharon Stone is at her naughtiest with a 24-year-old boy that flashes his caller ID around whenever Sharon calls for a hump.

Photos: WENN; Nikki Nelson/WENN

Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell filled in the remaining holes of Heath Ledger’s role in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (well, those three fellas almost equal a Heath). They’re also filling Matilda Ledger’s bank account with lots and lots of Benjamins.

When Heath’s little girl grows up, she’ll be thrilled to know that Uncle Johnny, Uncle Jude and Uncle Colin gave up their salaries just for her.

Director Terry confirms that the three men “didn’t take money.” He also finds it “extraordinary” and “wonderful” and cites it as “why I went into the movies in the beginning — I thought it would be full of wonderful people.”

No release date is set yet, but the film sounds like a wild circus.

Fist pumps to Johnny, Jude, Colin, Matilda and, of course, Heath.

(Heath, pushing Matilda around Manhattan.)

Source: Heath’s tot gets aid from stars (The Sun)

Photos: Apega/WENN; WENN; WENN; AT/WENN