Megan Fox shuts down any chance of Michelle Monaghan squeezing her pregnant self anywhere near her Eagle Eye co-star, Shia LaBeouf, at the red-carpet premiere of … Eagle Eye? Megan knows of no Eagle Eye. Transformers, however! Oh, Transformers is like Megan’s favorite rom-com. She can’t hold back on the hand-holding with Shia. (Brian Austin Green? Megan knows of no such fiancé.)

Peep the guests: the smooshed boobs of Rosario Dawson, the continued badass that is Billy Bob Thornton, and the nothing-like-a-butterfly-in-real-life Maria Bello.

Photos: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

(Fans give Sienna the ultimate bitch-slap.)

Sienna Miller’s top fan site is shutting its web page in Sienna’s face. There’s only so much “Sienna is a slut” reports a fan can stomach before she agrees with, um, THE REST OF THE WORLD.

Call it sarcasm, but Jennifer Garner is just kind of a bitch (even about naming her baby!!) . Has been, and apparently, still is.

Shia LaBeouf speaks out about his broken fingers and the car accident that caused it: “The car hit me at 70 mph,” said Shia, but no mention if “70″ was also comparable to the number of alcoholic beverages he’d imbibed.

Yes, Tina Fey sated our vocal desires with her SNL impersonation of Sarah Palin, but the where-was-Obama? Q’s begged Lorne Michaels to reveal what would have taken place with Barack (and Chuck Norris!) had a hurricane named Ike not gotten in the way.

A-ha! A much nastier reason as to why Jennifer Lopez skipped out on guest-judging Project Runway’s season finale, and as a result, Heidi Klum and Seal couldn’t “make it” to Marc Anthony’s 40th bash.

Photo: Homero Tercero/WENN

(All that's left to finagle out of is this darned DUI.)

Shia LaBeouf — the little stinker — has everyone stroking his afro, ego, busted-up truck, and now of course, his broken hand. His useless left is being written into the script of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Which means he’s back on set.

Fingers crossed, John Turturro had something to do with the-breaking-of-Shia’s-baby-fingers. Because John Turturro is a badass.

Source: Shia Back in His Prime (TMZ)

Photo: WENN

(Alphabetical order just didn't make sense, Katie.)

Katie Holmes is mentioned, much in the form of an afterthought, in the poster for the new Broadway play, All My Sons.

While Gwen tends to baby Zuma, big boy Kingston is left in the hands of babysitter Britney Spears. Kingston, in heaven over the macho Federline toys.

Sienna Miller’s British pad is tagged “slut.”

The car accident that won’t quit: The other driver is charged with running a red light, which caused the infamous Shia LaBeouf collision and his inevitable DUI. So, the DUI would’ve been a non-issue had it not been for the overzealous red-light-runner. Jerk!

Tila Tequila’s hanger-on Courtenay Semel spent the night in jail after going “nuts” with a Vegas showman. Kourtney Kardashian couldn’t keep up!

Winona Ryder and Tom Green, seeking comfort in each other. As Tim Gunn would say, “This concerns me.”

Photo: Patricia Schlein/WENN

People.com reports that Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas are dun-zo! But of course Shia LaBeouf had something to do with it!

Yep, it was right around the time of the ill-fated car accident. “It wasn’t working out,” says a source. “Adrian saw her with Shia and that was kind of it — the crash, their hanging out. He obviously didn’t appreciate it.”

Shia LaBeouf’s gimp left hand is clapping with glee!

Now, Adrian can hop-to with this paparazzo documentary of his. So far, he’s recruited Alec Baldwin, Whoopi Goldberg, Eva Longoria, Rosie O’Donnell … and perhaps the broad in the bikini that’s enjoying the piggyback ride.

Source: Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas Split (People)

(Hayden, you didn't let your hair down like you promised.)

Because Eva is embracing her newly shorn Mom bob and Hayden keeps pinning hers back certainly isn’t cause for Hayden’s Pops to get all domestically violent with his Missus. Well, something happened …

Last night, all Hayden wanted to do was save the whales. It’s all her boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia hears about: whale, whale, wail. Aside from her restaurant Beso as the hosting grounds, why Eva Longoria is involved is undoubtedly peculiar because she’s all about basketball and Posh Beckham.

Well, the fete was a hoot. The Whaleman Foundation Benefit got a bit of affection from the following: hairdresser Ken Paves, Shia LaBeouf’s accident sidekick Isabel Lucas, Zach Braff’s boytoy Donald Faison and the Bachelor with his own personal website Bob Guiney.

Yet when the party shoes were kicked off, Alan Panettiere’s palm got to smacking the face of the mother of his TV star daughter. Because she “disrespected” him. Lady’s got an ice pack; man’s got the bracelets.

(Hayden's mother: Lesley "Bitchslapped" Vogel.)

It’s always interesting to find out how the boyfriend of the girl whose mother got slapped by her husband does in a kerfuffle like this …

Update! Dad’s out on $50,000 bail! Forever a wife-beater though.

Source: Hayden Panettiere’s Father Arrested For Domestic Abuse (PopSugar)

Photos: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN

(At least he's right-handed.)

Just so it’s clear, this is according to Star. Therefore, readjust your grains of salt and flex those eyebrows. Then continue.

According to the ever-ambiguous “source,” doctors have gravely told Shia LaBeouf that his left pinky will face amputation. Shia, already pretending that his baby digit is no longer with, marched his other nine fingers to the telephone and revealed his news to the producers of his new film, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.”

“It’s really thrown the movie into turmoil,” said the aforementioned source.

It’s only fair that Shia should lose a tenth of his paycheck. That should help with budget costs.

LaBeouf, of course, was in that horrible car accident with Adrian Grenier’s girlfriend on July 27, which was how he ruined his hand.

And soon, without a pinky, has ruined his life.

Update! Thank heavens for the LA Times getting confirmation that Shia would, indeed, be able to keep his pinky.

Source: Shia LaBeouf Facing Amputation (Star)

Photo: WENN

(So, pigs, I'm lookin' gay to you?)

The LAPD outs Lindsay “Gone Gay” Lohan, and also cites her purported homosexuality as the reason for less ruckus from the paps. He’s pro-gay rights, that’s for sure!

Been dying for a piece of Shia LaBeouf? Get your fingers to Ebay: Pieces of Shia’s busted Ford are selling fast!

Britney Spears has washed her … hands (you didn’t think I’d say “hair,” did you?) of Osama. This is way bigger than a restraining order, people.

Would you see a Batman movie starring Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the Riddler, Catwoman and the Penguin, respectively?

You better know what’s good for your coffee table: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have published a 272-page book titled Influence. The twins reflect on things. I want Mary Kate on my front cover.

Photo: WENN